Mom guilt
I know you have it too. I had conversations with two friends last week about mom guilt and we've discovered that we have it about EVERYTHING. The kids didn't have a fruit and a veggie with their dinner, we didn't work on writing letters tonight, they watched too much TV today, I played with the one but not the other and the list goes on. For me it's constant, Reagan is in the Mommy, come play with me phase all the time. I feel terrible every time I have to say no. And I feel terrible that she doesn't having a living sibling to play with. It makes me sad, anxious and downright mad sometimes. She had a sibling and should have a sibling now.
Some of you know that we had two miscarriages this year, both at eight weeks. Neither was terribly traumatic or difficult but it has left us with more questions and indecision. Getting pregnant with the girls was easy- spontaneous twins after trying for only 2 months. This year hasn't been easy. Getting up the courage and faith to do it again was even harder. We both agree that we want Reagan to have a living sibling so badly- someone to play with, someone to share secrets with and overall just to be a special friend. But we're not sure at this point that's what God has as a plan. This makes me feel guilty as well. Guilt that I can't carry a pregnancy to full-term, guilt that I can't give Reagan a sibling, guilt that I can't have a stress free pregnancy for Scott to enjoy as well. The guilt never ends.
I am learning though that God doesn't want me to feel guilty, instead he wants me to trust in him that He is in control. He will decide what's best for our growing (or not) family, we just have to wait for the answer.
