Busy week

Mom and Dad are like the paparazzi!


Scott and Reagan read the paper every Sunday morning.


We have had a busy week. Reagan started Occupational Therapy for her feeding issues and we're hoping along with us, her therapist will help her make good progress. We've spent lots of time outdoors, we take Lilly and Reagan for a walk everyday. Reagan loves her walks and just takes in everything new- I guess this would be a normal response when she spent her first 7 months of life in a hospital. We actually took her for a 5K walk on Saturday! It was the HeartBeat 5000 5K walk/run for Children's Hospital Cardiology and we walked with our friends who lost their sweet boy Liam from a heart defect. We feel very connected to them as Liam was born 3 days after the girls. We believe that on Saturday Eden and Liam were looking down on us from heaven, smiling and kicking! It was amazing how emotional it was for us to participate.... we feel so grateful to be apart of events like this but our emotions are still so raw that it is difficult. We miss Eden SO MUCH! We LOVE you Eden.

Reagan makes us laugh and we find so much joy in listening to her babble and watching her smile. We LOVE you Reagan.


I love my new swing!

Changes

Reagan hit 17 lbs today (7.720 kg)!! She's growing and thriving at home. We are transitioning to bolus feedings via her Mic-key button and its going well. She's babbling and moving a lot. We love to see her making developmental advancements. I will say, we are worried that she's so hesitant to take food by mouth. We are getting a referral to a new Speech/Oral Motor therapist so hopefully they can give us some good tips. One of the funniest changes we have seen is her hair! This first picture is from February 11th, the day Reagan came home.


And this picture is from today!



Father's Day.

Scott and I ventured out with Reagan on Father's Day. I may have made a few mistakes on his Father's Day meals, but I think he still enjoyed it. Grief causes me to be a little absent-minded..... We took Reagan to the Farmer's Market in St. Paul, and she got to see horses for the first time. Not really sure what she thought of them... she didn't tell us. We also went to the Como Park Conservatory. Other than a little trouble with her feeding pump, she did great. We thik she enjoyed herself, she crashed immediately as soon as we pulled out of the parking lot. We also released a pink balloon for Eden. I know that Eden was looking down from heaven on her Dad wishing she could spend more time cuddling with him. Scott is the most amazing father! He has been our strength and support during this difficult time. Scott would do anything for either of his girls and he loves both of them more than the world itself. I love the husband that you are and the father that you've become.

Check out this position!

Getting acquainted with the Pediatrician

Who ever said babies don't like grass on their feet?


I discovered my feet this week!

We had to take Reagan to her pediatrician's office twice in the last week, she got a bug bite on her chin that got worse and looked infected. The PNP assured us it was a bug bite and to continue putting bacitracin on it. A few days later it "spread" further on her chin and to her tummy! I diagnosed her with impetigo and sure enough that's what it is. So we have added another Rx to her list- an antibiotic for 10 days that should clear it up. Poor baby. She itches it and I think it causes her some discomfort. She is still teething and has two more teeth on top! She is starting to take more breast milk by mouth via her bottle- we are so proud of her! We go for at least one walk a day and she loves being outside. She's babbling constantly and we a eagerly awaiting a Mama or Dada. Her hair is still growing!! But its starting to lay more flat so it's not so out of control! We have begun planning her 1st birthday party and of course recognizing Eden's 1st heavenly birthday too!! We have such an amazing gift from God to have Reagan with us and we are so excited to celebrate her one year of being so brave and strong. It will be bittersweet and emotional as well as we remember our sweet baby Eden. More details to come on the birthday party.

We have been eagerly awaiting Eden's autopsy results. We just want answers.... The MD's told us initially results would take 6-8 weeks, but its been 11 weeks and we're still waiting. I spoke with her Pulmonologist from Texas and he said that since we agreed to a 'complete' autopsy it would take up to 12 weeks. Hopefully we will hear something soon.

Thank you for all of your prayers lately, its been a tough week for both of us.

A way to describe what this feels like

WE LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER EDEN!!!
It's sometimes hard to put into words what it feels like to have lost my baby. My blog posts describe my heartbreak, pain and sadness but the true emotion doesn't usually come out completely. I am reading a book that my Dad gave me by Jennifer Silvera called 'believe', she talks about the loss of her husband. The book isn't 100% relevant, but she describes grief so well that I feel like I can relate. As I've mentioned before, I'm a different person, completely changed. I am so unmotivated and empty. Jennifer describes "after a profound loss, daily tasks become new challenges, and it's difficult to complete one simple item on a to-do list". I have a hollowness that cannot be filled. On August 2nd, 2010 my Motherly heart became full- 50% with love for Eden and 50% love for Reagan. That hollowness is Eden's half. Perhaps this explains why I don't go out, don't return phone calls or texts or simply don't smile quite as much. Perhaps it doesn't explain anything. All I ask is that you're patient with me and respect that I am grieving and need the right kind of support.

Reagan, our little duckie

Our landscaping project

Our landscaping project is complete! Dennis and Greg at C&R Sod & Landscaping did a great job and we're excited to enjoy many hours on our new outdoor living area.

10 month birthday

Today is Reagan's 10 month birthday and Eden's 10 month heavenly birthday (7 months adjusted age)!

Here's a little overview of what Reagan has been up to on this day her 10 month birthday.
Weight: 15 lbs, 13 oz
Length: 26.75 inches
Hair: Still growing like crazy! In fact, she has hair overlapping her collar and her ears.
New activities: Sitting on her knees while holding on to a stationary object, Laughing, blowing bubbles, babbling, making some vowels, holding her arms underneath her, eating vegetables and breast milk in small amounts, scooting on her back to make herself move! Yesterday we took her on her first walk outside!! This made Mom really nervous, but I relaxed and we had fun.
Health: Her breathing is good, no respiratory distress. We are having lots of trouble with vomiting, can't seem to get this under control even despite Rx's. She has two bottom teeth and two coming in on the top. Wow I never realized how painful teething is for a baby. Her screams are very telling of that.

We have discovered that thinking about Eden doing the same activities in heaven that Reagan is doing gives us a special comfort. We can smile thinking about her smiling while kicking her legs and playing with blocks just like Reagan. She would love to sit up on her own and watch her Discovery fish toy. We miss her so much and love her more than anything in the world. We pray that her legacy will always live on.

We love you Eden.

We started a landscaping project the first part of May and were delayed with the rain. Today our landscapers finished the final touches. It looks SO AMAZING!! We will post before and after pictures this weekend. Get your backyards ready because you'll want our guys to do your work too!