Holding my babies

Last week Reagan had a runny nose and was just not feeling well. Poor baby. It truly amazes me though how much she loves to be held by her Mommy. I love the fact that she just wants to cuddle in and completely relaxes in my arms. The feeling is so wonderful, to know that she finds so much comfort in my arms and that she trusts me and loves me completely. Any mom reading this knows exactly what I'm talking about. There is nothing that can take away this feeling. I love her more than anything in the world and I love holding her. She's feeling better, her runny nose didn't turn into anything else and her sats have remained really stable. Even when she wasn't feeling 100% she still moves everywhere! She is so active and really never stops. She crawls from one end of the house to the other, its so much fun to watch her. But she usually leaves toys from one end of the house to the other... so lots for mom and dad to clean up. She keeps us on our toes, I love you Reagan.

I wish I could have one more day, one more hour, one more minute to hold Eden. She was so sick, so I held her a lot. But towards the end she was almost too sick to hold. And then I held her when she passed away.
Eden had so many scary episodes when she couldn't breathe and she would be so incredibly worked up that she needed to be comforted. Eden would usually calm quickly when I held her close to my heart. She loved to be held and would stare into my eyes as if she was taking everything in, every eyelash, every line on my face, every dark circle under my eye. Eden was so curious but so calm when she could see my face- its like she could see into my soul. I love you Eden.

Family Pictures

Here is a link to our photographer/friends blog- http://cassiehopphotography.com/blog/

We are SO HAPPY with the photos! Can't wait to place our order.

13 months! and a day at the zoo

Reagan didn't start smiling until a few people gathered around her, she's such a ham.


Reagan learned how to clap this week!! She claps when she's happy, when she's crying, she just likes to clap. Silly girl.

These pictures are getting harder to take- she's so wiggly! We might have to do them while she's sleeping. :-)

A little too soon for rugby?

Reagan turned 13 months on the 2nd!! Wow, time flies. She is getting so big and crawling everywhere. It's so much fun.

We took her to Como Zoo today. She liked the monkeys the best, its so fun to watch her experience new things. Her eyes are wide and she just follows them as the jump on trees and climb all over.

Another busy week... and the summer is coming to an end

The balloon we released for Eden.



We are optimizing every possible moment we can of what's left of the summer. As I've mentioned before, we will be in hibernation for the Fall and Winter. Reagan LOVES being outside and so do we so we take her out everyday. We took her to church for the first time this weekend, she enjoyed the music and lights! Today we went to a friends fundraiser to raise money for Faith's Lodge and Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, www.ellasgift.org. It was a great event and Reagan really enjoyed herself. The friends who hosted the fundraiser had a daughter who was stillborn and they organized a balloon release for the families attending who lost children. Being more than willing to talk to anyone (I know, so unlike me...), I approached another couple and asked about their child. It was painfully awkward and they seemed to not want to talk about their child. I love talking about Eden and want people to ask about her all the time. It makes me feel so close to her and she had such an impact on so many people that I want that to continue.
We also weaned Reagan's O2 again and she's doing great!! She's on 1 liter of O2 and we don't have to use her med tree anymore, this means that she's not thethered to a 3 foot tube instead she has 57 feet!! We are so thrilled and proud of her for doing so well. Our hard work of keeping her somewhat sheltered is paying off. We pray everyday that Fall and Winter will also go well and we can keep her heatlhy. God will be watching over her and keeping her free of illness.

Reagan has some favorite activities/items that I thought I would share:
*Her fingers/hands- she is chewing on them like they are sausages!
*Blowing raspberries
*Tupperware containers
*Outlets- this will definitely be how she learns the word 'No'
*Getting tangled in her O2 tubing- which is really funny to watch especially when she turns completely in a circle on her butt
*Imitating us- if we scream she screams
*Grass! She digs her feet into the grass until she gets to the dirt.

I'm on the move!!

20 weeks

Tomorrow will be 20 weeks since we lost Eden. Our hearts continue to be so heavy. Scott's grief is catching up with him, he was so strong for me for so long. Every day ends in tears in our house. We love Eden so much and miss her more than the world. We talk about her often and pray that God will keep her in the hearts of all she touched. We LOVE you Eden.

Reagan is growing like crazy- she is now 8.610 kg or 19 lbs!!! She is standing holding on to things and she wants to crawl so badly. She is a wiggle worm and never stops moving! Some days she even thinks she's too old for two naps. This makes 5-7pm very difficult, she wants to sleep but her bedtime is so close. We work on oral feeding everyday and it continues to be challenging. She is getting a teeny tiny bit better, consistency is key. She is breathing so well and we are continuing to wean some of her diuretics! Her smile brings us so much joy and we love her more than the world.

The BIG party!

A very special card for Eden from a very special neighbor!!!


Reagan and Eden's first birthday party was great, of course quite bittersweet for Scott and I, we missed Eden terribly. The party turned out bigger than we expected,we had 100 amazing family and friends who helped us celebrate this very special birthday. We sincerely appreciate all of you!