Kissable

March 12th: I love your beautiful, perfect lips. They were so full and perfectly pink. They were like lips of an angel. I loved when your face was finally exposed and we could see and study every aspect of your lips. I could kiss them over and over.

Two days and a request for you...

First time holding itty-bitty Eden.


Frist time holding Reagan.





The last few days of Eden's life in Texas... she was too sick to hold at this point.


We were having trouble with our internet connection while out of town at our nieces sweet 16 birthday so here are Saturday and Sunday's posts.

March 10th: Eden was waiting for a life-saving double lung transplant at Texas Children’s Hospital. Throughout our journey we have met many families who were also waiting for that life-saving gift. These families pray every day that their children will be able to hold on for just a few more days, weeks or months so that they can have a second chance at life. Eden was too sick to hold on, but there are so many other children waiting…. Eden would want to help them. If Eden’s story can influence just one person to sign up for organ donation then I know that she would smile and she would be so incredibly happy. Please consider signing up to be an organ donor today, http://www.donatelifemidwest.org/.

March 11th: Over the past two years I have posted often about hugging your children and telling them you love them every day. For days after the girls were born we couldn’t hold them or hug them. This pain is unimaginable especially for a new mother. There were plenty of times when Eden was too sick to hold. It was painful not to be able to scoop up my baby in my arms and comfort her and whisper closely into her ear that I love her. The last time I was able to do this was March 30th, 2011 when Eden passed away in our arms. I hugged her tightly and told her that I loved her. No matter how old your kids are or how upset you may be with them at the moment, hug them- hug them tight and tell them that you love them. Do this every day, because you never know when you won’t have that moment.

Hair

March 9th: I love your soft, beautiful, blonde hair. You had so much! I know that you would have hair as long if not longer than Reagan’s hair- and she has A LOT. We first put a bow in your hair when you were really little. One of our very special RN’s in the NICU tied a tiny pink ribbon into a bow and we stuck it in your hair with KY jelly! I loved it; you looked so girly and precious. I remembered thinking oh my, I’m going to have to learn how to do hair for both my wiggly girls. After you were both in the NICU for quite some time and you were becoming the bigger babies in the NICU and were growing so much hair. Your Dad and some of the nurses decided that you were winning the hair growing contest in the NICU!! I would give anything to kiss your head and rub my cheek against your soft hair again.

Twin connection

First time the girls were able to reconnect.

Our first family picture!







March 8th: I love the close connection that you and Reagan had and will always have. In utero your hearts were literally right next to each other. In fact sometimes when the nurses were looking for two heartbeats during monitoring, it would be difficult to distinguish between the two because they were so close. The times that you were together in the hospital you were like magnets- drawn together by a special connection that only twins can have. When we had your beautiful Christmas pictures taken you were so sick and distraught but we put Reagan next to you and you instantly calmed and your sats returned to normal. I will never forget that day. I think you were startled the first few times you heard Reagan cry when you were in the same room in ICC together but soon after you remembered oh yes, that’s my sister and its OK I love her. I pray everyday that Reagan will remember you and hold you close in her heart. I don’t want her to forget that she has a sister.

Bravery- you haven't seen it until you've met a preemie

March 7th: I love that you were the bravest person I know. You endured so much- six surgeries, more iv sticks than I can count, more lab draws than one person should ever have to have, pain, struggling to breathe constantly, insomnia, illness and multiple other medical issues. Even after all of these terrible things, you were still strong, you kept fighting and hung on until your little body could not handle anymore. Every time I say to myself “I can’t” I should remember that whatever I have to go through is easy compared to what you went through. I love you my brave little angel.

You're so funny

March 6th: I love how your tongue was always moving. It’s like once you discovered that it was there you had to use it. It was so funny to watch you explore your mouth and lips this way.

Look at their hands

March 5th: I love your tiny hands. A friend told me that there are traditional Chinese medicine points on hands that help with healing the lungs. From that point on I rubbed those points. I felt entirely helpless when we were in Texas but one of the things that I could do was to stroke your hands. I rubbed your hands for hours; they were so soft and warm. With each stroke I prayed that you would get better, stronger and that I could take you home to be with your Dad, sister and your doggie. Looking back even though I spent hours stroking your hands I never noticed that you had a single palmar crease on your left hand. This was revealed in the autopsy report. This is something so small that anyone could miss but so significant to us.