Lilly, you make a comfortable pillow!
Baby in a box!
Look at my teeth everyone!
Lilly is so tolerant, what a good doggie.
Today was one of those 'it's not fair' days. It's not fair that Eden is gone. It's not fair that Reagan is still fragile. It's not fair that we have medical equipment to deal with. It's not fair that she can't be out in public. It's not fair..... Sure this may sound like a pity party, but really its just not fair. We don't know why we were chosen to go through this, why Reagan has to go through this. I pray everyday for an answer to these whys.
What precipitated all of these feelings was that Scott and I went to the farmer's market this morning, one of our favorite Saturday morning activities. One of the activities that we talked about endlessly and envisioned doing with the girls. Seeing babies in strollers, with bottles, rain boots and no tubes made us sad. We were sad that Eden and Reagan can't be with us in their stroller without tubes. We just don't get the same amount of joy from this anymore, and we're not sure that we ever will again.
Reagan has had some ups and down's this week. She has been vomiting more lately, so we made some adjustments to one of her Rx's. We're praying this works because we hate to see her uncomfortable and screaming in pain. She also hasn't been sleeping as well and we're used to, sometimes waking up screaming. It's either gas pain or teeth pain. On a good note, she did get two teeth! My baby has teeth! Kind of makes me sad... I can't believe she's growing up so fast! She now weighs 15 lbs, 10 oz/7.1 kg. She is also balancing on her hands and knees and getting into the crawling position. We love watching her take developmental steps forward!
Please continue to pray for us, we definitely have bad days like today and we feel so much heartache as we grieve for Eden.
No, it is not fair, and you have every right to feel that way. How I wish that Jesus, our Savior, would give you an explanation for why you have been given this terrible and heavy cross.
ReplyDeleteOur lives are bought and paid for by His sacrifice, and as the Bible tells us, though we share in His suffering, we will share in His resurrection. In Paradise, when you see His Face, it will all be made clear. And you will rejoice with your beautiful daughters forever.
I know you cannot possibly have true peace in your hearts just now . . . but one day, somehow, you will. Until then, may He sustain you, and give you strength to love and care for Reagan.
Sending you both hugs and prayers, and wishes for every imaginable grace from Him.
Scott and Amanda--
ReplyDeleteI wish I had words to say to help. Just know that you are all in my prayers and in my thoughts. Eden is a baby who touched my heart and my soul in such a way that I will always remember her. I carry her smiles in my heart!! I am praying for God's strength and healing for you as travel this journey of grief. And I am praying for continued healing and strength for Reagan.
Eden's tree is beautiful!! What a beautiful tribute to your precious little girl. I know she is loving it from heaven.
When my grandma passed away five years ago this verse brought me so much comfort and carried me through my grief...
Revelation 9:17 for the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and
he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe
away every tear from their eyes.”
Just know that in the pain of losing Eden, and the confusion of not knowing why...Jesus IS seated at the center of His throne, and one day you will rest in his arms, reunited with Eden, and He will lovingly erase your pain and your grief and wipe away your tears...
Sending you all hugs!!
Cindy