WE LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER EDEN!!!
It's sometimes hard to put into words what it feels like to have lost my baby. My blog posts describe my heartbreak, pain and sadness but the true emotion doesn't usually come out completely. I am reading a book that my Dad gave me by Jennifer Silvera called 'believe', she talks about the loss of her husband. The book isn't 100% relevant, but she describes grief so well that I feel like I can relate. As I've mentioned before, I'm a different person, completely changed. I am so unmotivated and empty. Jennifer describes "after a profound loss, daily tasks become new challenges, and it's difficult to complete one simple item on a to-do list". I have a hollowness that cannot be filled. On August 2nd, 2010 my Motherly heart became full- 50% with love for Eden and 50% love for Reagan. That hollowness is Eden's half. Perhaps this explains why I don't go out, don't return phone calls or texts or simply don't smile quite as much. Perhaps it doesn't explain anything. All I ask is that you're patient with me and respect that I am grieving and need the right kind of support.
Hi Amanda, my heart breaks for you. When my Grandma was in a home in Granite, I was talking to the nurse that came there, Becky, she had lost a child and a brother, I asked her how she handled all of that, she told me that her Dad told her that the pain never goes away, you just learn to live with the pain. Susie's sister Diane, has lost 2 babies, one to SIDS and Cameron was killed by a car at 18 months, she might be someone to talk to if you wish, she lives in the cities. Everyone grieves differently, but the only ones that can truly understand some of your feelings are the ones who have lost a child. I am sure Reagan fills your life with joy, she sure is a cutie. Keep your heart positive. Brenda
ReplyDeleteMany hugs to you. I totally understand your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI am a random follower of your blog, I never comment! I just wanted to recommend the book "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis, if you are looking for more reading.
ReplyDeleteNo one could EVER expect you to be the same. You are a mother who has suffered the worst agony possible in this life. I am sure that everyone who knows you and loves you in "real life" understands.
ReplyDeleteYou always write that you are grateful for the time you had with Eden, and that is an amazing attitude. I'm sure our Lord is deeply proud of you - even as He weeps with you - for bearing this terrible cross that He gave you.
May all three of you be blessed with strength.